I’ve known my husband for 13 years and we’ve been married for 4 years. You might think that’s a long time of getting to know each other but the truth is, we are still learning. Marriage is a lifelong journey of studying your spouse. It’s a lifetime of understanding, forgiving, submitting, yet above all it’s an awesome experience to love and to feel love.
Here are 4 things that I’ve learned from being married for 4 years:
Note: This is my personal list and it can be different for other people.
1. Unexpected help is always appreciated
I’ve had my share of exhausting days especially now that I’m in the season of child-rearing. The never ending dailies of life can cause us lose sight of the wonder of marriage. Yes we are our husband’s HELP meet but wives/moms, it’s okay to ask for help too!
Marriage is work, and as cliche as it may sound, it really requires a lot of work coming from both sides. Communication is one area in which we are working on. My husband will not always know my needs until I say it. The problem comes when I assume he knows whenever I need help. Yes, there are a lot of times when he would initiate to bathe the kids or watch over them so I can rest for a bit or do the chores but for the days that he doesn’t do any of these, it is easy to get frustrated if I assume or put out some expectations that he is not aware of. It’s okay to ask for help but never demand it. Unexpected help is always appreciated. 😊
God said His grace is sufficient for us. His strength is available to all the weary wives and mommas out there. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband but it is very important to keep in mind that God’s grace is more than enough for my needs. That way, I won’t depend on my husband for help, but only on the Lord. Don’t get me wrong, I just said it’s okay to ask for help but never expect that your husband will always be there to help you. The supernatural strength from God will carry you through the day.
2. Cuddles over chores
Again, the never ending dailies of taking care of kids and chores doesn’t seem to…well, end!
I like to write down to-do lists a lot, and that includes planning the day. What chore to do first when our baby takes her nap? When should I do laundry? Or fold clothes? Or declutter? And as soon I stood up from the bed after breastfeeding my baby (excited to tick off my to-do list) my husband asks for hugs and kisses. There are days when I just want to tell him that I have a long list of chores to finish and cuddles can wait until later. But, let me tell you that time with your spouse is more important than washing the dishes. Having kids can somehow lessen your time alone as a couple, but you need to make time for it as it helps your bond to become stronger. At the end of the day, your husband take first place in your family.
Though kids take much of my time, cuddles with my husband always make both of our hearts full. Believe me, I never regretted choosing my husband over chores.❤
3. Support the little boy inside
I’ve read in a book before that men still has a little boy inside them that LOVES TO PLAY, my husband is not an exemption to that. Women, on the other hand, grows to be more task-oriented. We love to work. See the line for frustration there? Earlier in our marriage, I would always get frustrated whenever he would spend time playing sports or mobile games. Now, I can see that spending time for fun strengthens our bond as a couple and gives us room to breathe from the “never ending dailies”. I tried downloading his favorite games too and we try to play together sometimes. Though my definition of fun is way different from my husband’s, supporting the little boy inside assures him of my love for him and it reminds him that I desire his happiness and enjoyment.
4. Words better left unsaid
This is the one I’ve been learning to do for the past year. I don’t know about you but I love to talk! And I love to tell everything (including what I feel as of the moment) to my husband.
If he did something that made me mad, I tell him (sometimes indirectly) but I certainly let him know that I was hurt or disappointed. The problem in doing that sometimes return the hurt to my husband. Remember the nagging wife in Proverbs? The Bible says it is better for the man to stay in the rooftop of his house than to be with a nagging wife. Ouch!
But this verse caught my attention last year and from then on, I am trying with God’s grace to become better in communication:
Pro 29:11 KJV A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
Try doing this experiment: If you’re mad, don’t say anything! Let it pass for a few minutes or hours. Distract yourself by doing something else, if needed, distance yourself. While doing this, think over the words that you want to blurt out and answer these questions:
1. Will it fix the situation?
2. Will it hurt my husband?
3. Are these words necessary to say?
After giving much thought, decide if you still want to say it or just let it pass. Some words are better left unsaid. Words can either hurt or heal. I love what Proverbs has to say about it:
Pro 25:11 KJV A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
I know we still have a lot to learn from each other but what I’m really thankful for is that we have the Word of God to teach us to become better wives and husbands. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t have the Bible to guide me in this chapter of my life, our marriage will be a mess for sure. See the goodness of the Lord in that? Praise His Name!