Oh, I wish I could show you pictures of a freezer filled with milk storage bags or a full bottle pumped in minutes. I wish I could tell you how awesome it is to have milk dripping from one breast while you’re nursing your baby from the other.
That’s not how it is for me. My breastfeeding journey is, let’s just say “an undescribable miracle”, one which I could not take credit of at all.
It all started with one word: commitment.
Even before my baby girl was born, I was so sure that I wanted to breastfeed. I did my research, attended a breastfeeding seminar with my husband, asked for tips from other mommies. Then, when Amy was born, I didn’t panic nor did I question my ability to breastfeed. “God will help me to breastfeed. My body is capable of producing milk” That was what went through my mind during the first few weeks breastfeeding a newborn.
I could say from the start, my supply isn’t that much compared to others. ( I was taking Natalac as prescribed by my OB) I thought to myself, “sooner or later.. I’ll be able to store lots and lots of milk and my supply will increase” Well, that didn’t happen.
Then came the critics, “Why are your breasts not engorged? ” , “How many bottles can you fill in a day? None? Why?? ” , “Ay! Hindi tumutulo milk mo pag nagbbreastfeed ka sa kabila? Bakit? Ako nuon tumutulo lagi e”
I must admit, it did hurt me for a while. I felt like I wasn’t giving my child enough milk. Well, there are others who think of me that way. Thankfully, I have the full support of my husband on this journey. Never did he say anything about switching to formula, he just kept encouraging me to breastfeed. Up until now, there are days when I would hand express for 10-15minutes and all I have is this (from both breasts) :
Yes, I still struggle with my milk production. My baby is now 7 months old and from the start, her pediatrician always says that her weight and height are above average. I could not believe it.
This is what brought me to a word to describe my journey now: dependence.
More specifically, dependence on God. He did all these. He made what seems impossible, possible. He cares for me and my baby.
Oh, what joy it is to know our Lord Jesus Christ. I am reminded of the first few verses of Psalm 103:
1 Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
I am thankful for even my breastfeeding journey magnifies how the Lord is all-powerful and can provide our needs according to His riches.
To all mommies struggling with milk, don’t give up! Better yet, if you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, now is the time to believe. Oh! How sweet it is to be born again.. to have access to God through Christ and ask for His help in our struggles.
PS. Say hello to my bubbly Amy.