Warning: This is a spontaneous, personal post that I just thought of these past few days. So, this might not be as organized as my other blogs. 😄
I’ve been anxious about a lot of things these past few days. The many tasks that I have to do that I simply cannot accomplish according to my schedule because my baby is now growing to be very clingy to Mommy. (To this I am not complaining because I do enjoy my time with her) but the dirty clothes, diapers, dishes, that is waiting for me–whew! I just couldn’t help but think about these things. In addition to that, thoughts of self-pity creeps in, I’m losing my confidence, my mind is bombarded with thoughts that are not too gracious about other people, I became envious, angry, impatient. And yes, I am about to teach patience this Sunday to a group of young ladies.
Yes, I teach, I counsel others and yes I too still need counseling, I too still need God’s Word.
Being in the ministry, more specifically being married to a Pastor/Evangelist, it sometimes makes me think that other people look to me as a potential example for their own walk in the Lord. I, too, think the same way of other Pastors’ wives, I look up to them, I see them as a go-to person for spiritual advices. But then because I had this in mind, whenever I am having some struggles of my own, I tend to brush away these things with a thought like “I should know how to deal with this–I just have to give it to the Lord! Just like what I taught others during our Bible Study” or something like, “When I share my struggles with someone, I have a pretty good assumption on what they’re going to tell me—pray! Think godly thoughts! Choose love! “
But now that I thought of it, I realized that:
1.Pride tells us to put up a strong front even if we are weak. The truth is, I cannot do anything apart from God. It doesn’t really matter how long since I’ve been a Christian because I will always be dependent on His grace. Yes, I teach younger ladies, I had that burden for a long time now but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need counseling too. That doesn’t mean that I am always spiritually upright because I too learn and get rebukes, I too fall into temptations, what’s important is that we all continue in our walk with the Lord–always repenting, always pursuing the Lord.
2. It’s okay not to be okay. I do believe every believer is experiencing some sort of struggle of their own and it doesn’t mean that if you’re an older Christian or one who is involved in the ministry, you have it all figured it out. If that’s the case, you don’t need any ‘growing up’ anymore, to which every single one us is still in need of until the Lord calls us home.
3. Listening sometimes is enough. It’s okay to give advices, I also give out from time to time. But sometimes, a sister in Christ just need someone to listen to her heartaches and struggles, and to pray for her. We sometimes know what we need, but just at that particular moment, we might just need to pour it out.
4. Moving on requires time. Every single solution to our problems does not happen overnight. It takes time to move from a state of anxiety to a state of peace, it takes time to move from bitterness to forgiveness, it takes time to move from hurt to love. Let’s not expect others (or ourselves) to be okay ASAP after we’ve given our spiritual advices or after we prayed for or with them, it will take time.
Our personal walk with the Lord is unique. It’s never the same with other people, the pace does not move up with age or experience, it grows steadily because of God’s moment-by-moment grace.