“And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,”
God can truly break the hardest of hearts; and I speak of my own.
It has been quite normal for a “busy” Christian like me with weekly routine of church activities to think that I am ACTUALLY and REALLY right with God. For most of the time, I teach. I love to teach, I love to spend time to study my lessons and make it as personal and understandable as possible. Thus, I felt I am growing with my relationship with my Lord. Little did I know, that was far from reality.
I remember a pertinent truth that one of my Bible school teachers usually remind us about, “the test of how humble you are is when you are corrected”. Exactly!
“Oh, I love how I am always corrected”, says no normal person ever. It’s fine to hear constructive criticisms, I know it’ll help me grow and mature. But, these past 2 months, it just seems too much—which led me to my knees. Yes, on my knees, head bowed down, tears streaming down my cheeks.
This is not how I normally pray but God brought me to this breaking point for a purpose. I, who’s eager to serve God in whatever way possible, am greatly discouraged because of the many people that thinks I am inadequate and that whatever plans I have for the future seems nothing but a childish dream. I am not good enough—in their opinion. And I hate whenever I am compared with other women. Oh, I just hate that. I am different and I know what I’m doing.
That was the exact purpose why God brought me on bended knee, crying to Him for answers. I FINALLY saw how huge my pride has become, that is actually pulling me down from growth and maturity.
Lord, show me my sin.
I opened my Bible prayerfully asking God to lead me to a particular passage.
Lo and behold, Proverbs 24.
3Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:
4 And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
5 A wise man is strong; yea, a man of knowledge increaseth strength.
6 For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety.
After reading the entire chapter, I was immediately comforted. I am a proud woman—not a good thing at all. I need WISDOM desperately and the Lord knew exactly how to give it—and it was from these “constructive” criticisms. I may fail again and again but a righteous man stands up again and again and does what is right the next time. This WISDOM that I will earn will help me to build my house (my family in the future) and with the understanding that God gave me through His word and His people, I will be able to establish and make it stable, fruitful, and will glorify God.
My God is real. He is answering my prayers. And He is gracious for showing me the area of my life that I need to change.